What Broadway Has Taught Me

Fucking up is one of the major lessons we must learn to deal with in life. I've learned lessons from Broadway Musicals. Musicals were my class in dealing with life's problems because no one else volunteered to teach the class on dealing with them. 

    1.      The More You Ruv Someone -The more they make you crazy! I’ve noticed this in my boyfriend. I love him dearly, but when he falls asleep before we have dinner plans—the more I want to kill him.

2.      Every Story is a Love Story- Not every story is a love story, but the best ones are.

3. Like father, Like Son- The apple never falls far from the tree. 

4. You're Fucked- Sometimes we just fuck up, Big time. 

5. Everyone's a little bit racist- Everyone's been the butt of a racist joke. I don't care if you're a white jewish girl, a muscular black guy or a brainy asian. Doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes, people. 

6. I'm Limited- I know so very little. It was up to me to accept it. I've heard it said that people come into our lives bringing something we must learn. I have never applied this to my life more than right now. Sometimes we may just help them in return. I'm who I am today, because I knew you. 

7. If you were gay, that'd be ok- Sometimes you just love boys. Your friends will still love you even if you pictured them naked, or caught them reading broadway musicals of the 1920's. It's OK! 

8. There's a Fine, Fine Line- We hear of this line, but we never know where exactly it is. In relationships, it's a fine fine line between "together" and "not". Sometimes it's like asking someone to find a road by just going left. how far left? It's a fine fine line between messing with your friends and verbally abusing them.there's a fine fine line between a lover and a friend. When is it okay to be jealous?  Finding the line is hard to figure out until after you've crossed it. 

9. Out tonight- If you go out looking to trouble, you'll find yourself in hell of a lot of it. but you'll have a blast doing it. 

10. I am what I wear, and how I dress- It's important to care what you look like, your clothes send a message about how you are perceived. If you under-dress, the people remember the clothes, not the person. 

11. Apparently you can be as loud as the hell you want when you're making love- This one speaks for itself. Or screams. 

12. Purpose- Everyone has a purpose, even if it is being a character of comic relief. Sometimes we never figure it out. 

13. The Internet- We have access to everything on the internet, documents, social networking, and shopping! But we also get a lot of those emails to porn sites...maybe the internet is just for porn. 

14. Victory depends upon the people that you choose-Working with a team needs commitment from everyone. You won't achieve what you want if you know your friends are always hung over and oversleep. 

15. Find Your Grail- If you trust in your soul,you won't fail. That's your grail. Do what you love, and you won't fail. 

16. How do you measure a year?- In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee?  A lot can happen in a year, and it can go by so fast. Find good friends to share it with so you aren't measuring it in bad jobs, bad relationships, drug addictions, evictions, or stds. Years later, I hope to be in one of my friends kitchen's eating cheesecake and buffalo hot wings talking about how great life is. 

17. Whatever happened to my Part-it was exciting at the start. Did they forget about you?  Yes, yes they did. You aren't the big cheese anymore. Sometimes they just rip out your love away, but your job is to gripe about it until you get it back, and if that doesn't work--accept it. They are soooo over you. You should take the hint.  Get over you too. 

18. Always look on the bright side of life- Don't grumble, make a whistle. If life seems jolly rotten- you need smile, dance and sing. 

19. There is no future, there is no past- There's only us, there's only this. Forget regret or life is yours to miss. No day but today. Live it today, not for tomorrow. 

20. Defy Gravity- don't play by the rules of someone else's game. if they tell you that you won't succeed, prove them wrong. The best revenge is living well and proving the haters wrong. 

On the Road...

As my GPS refused to pick up a signal, I waited for a solid 15 minutes before I decided to fuck it. I was on Main Street in Duryea, coming home from the Phoenix Performing Arts Center. That place looks like it’s in an old western movie and you’re waiting for the cowboys to come out and say “This town ain’t big enough for the both of us.”

Considering I’ve only lived in Northeastern Pennsylvania for 5 years I don’t know my way around. Where I used to live, I could’ve told you how to get to the mall and then the Penndel Lanes Bowling Alley then to Rita’s Water Ice and then to Joanne Fabrics and then to Best Buy. Since I only started driving three years ago, I could barely tell you how to get to Nanticoke from Wilkes-Barre.

When I was figuring out how to go out from Main Street, I figured if it was Main Street, there must be an entrance to an interstate, right?

Wrong.

I drove along Main Street in Dureya, and ran into several stop lights. I sat at the lights not being given any direction by a street sign or a familiar land mark.

So, I made a left, because it felt so right.

Somehow is the haze of that night, I found myself on Foote Avenue making continuous left turns at traffic lights. Before I knew it, I turned onto a bridge thinking it might take me to a familiar place. I crossed a railroad somewhere along the way.

I was still lost before I turned onto Susquehanna Avenue. I saw these ridiculous mansions, they were beautiful and found myself in the Borough of West Pittston. I looked around at the houses and thought it would be a quaint place to live.  

I called my parents, and neither of them knew how I got myself in that predicament, and were too drunk to look on a map.

Instead of turning onto 81 South like I wanted to, I made another right turn onto Route 11. I was trying to figure out why the hell I turned too early. I looked around and it felt familiar, but I just couldn’t figure out why.

I kept driving straight to realize I hit a familiar feeling. I was in the Wyoming Valley, just wasn’t exactly what town. I kept driving until I hit the kingly town of Kingston, by kingly I mean familiar.

I did a show at the Music Box Dinner Playhouse, in Swoyersville so I was familiar with that area, well for those of you who don’t know, Kingston and Swoyersville are holding hands. I was steering my carriage toward my familiar castle. 

It felt good to get myself there with out any help from anyone. Ironically, once I got on the Cross Valley Expressway, my GPS picked up a signal. Great. 2 hours too late.

After driving around for two and a half hours, I felt stupid. I felt really stupid. But I also felt accomplished. I found my way home, by getting lost. I think what I’m trying to say is, that being lost isn’t always a bad thing. I got lost, and wasted a whole lot of gas, but I learned my way around somewhat. I won’t say I’m an expert on the Wyoming valley, but I would say I’m glad I was lost, because then I never would’ve been found.

      

Knee Socks, Confusion and a New Vocabulary

I was wearing my school uniform jumper with the hideous plaid pattern, a white blouse underneath, brown shoes with light brown laces and burgundy knee socks that always fell down. I hated those knee socks and I almost got suspended for them not being pulled up to my knees. And of course, I had on my glasses. I always had on my glasses. 

It wasn’t hard to remember what I was wearing because I wore the same thing every day, but I do remember that day.  

I was in 4th grade, I was having indoor recess in a yellow classroom. The principal called all the teachers into the third floor hallway. The teachers were out there for a long time, almost an hour.

I kept looking out into the hallway at my mom because she was a teacher at the school. She was crying.  If you know me, you know it's hard for me to see someone close to me cry, especially if no one would tell me the reason.  

I heard the principal in the hallway say specifically, "Don't tell the kids."

So they didn’t.

We left school early and my dad was watching the small T.V. in the kitchen. I came home to see an airplane hit the Twin Towers. At first I wasn't sure what it was, I thought it was some movie stunt, or some footage caught in another country.

But it was LIVE television here.  It was happening right now.

I don't remember being scared. I remember being confused because no one would tell me what was happening.

You ever hear that cliche a picture is worth a thousand words? Then a video is worth a million.

When I think of September 11, 2001, I think of that piece of video.

Several weeks later when I found out what actually happened, I was heartbroken like the rest of America.

I learned a whole new vocabulary that year.

   Homeland Security

   Terrorist

   Hijacked

   Osama Bin Laden

   Afghanistan

I'm very lucky, because I never had anyone close to me die or become injured from that day. My dad was supposed to be at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City that day.

Americans tried to look away but we couldn't as we saw a brother, a sister, a mother, a father, an uncle, an aunt, and a cousin jump out 94th floor of a burning building with over 100 stories.

If it were me, I don’t know how I would’ve reacted. Death can be hard to accept, especially when no one saw it coming.

When I hear the names of the people who died that day, I can't help but choke up. It's a list of people who were just going into work one day, and never got to have their wedding, never got to see their unborn children, never got to see the birth of their grandchildren, never got to take that vacation to Hawaii, never got to the dream job they always wanted, and never got to say goodbye.

Each of those people had a story, a family, a life.

Figuring out if you should jump from a 106 story window or get blown up is probably not the last decision you want to make.

September 11, 2001 was a cluster of problems in one day, however it brought our nation closer together. Police officers, firefighters, and normal people sacrificed their lives to try to save someone else’s.

One can say that people in the United States are focused on themselves, but when other citizens were in trouble, who were the first people there?

Never underestimate the memory of a little girl with knee socks or the power of a united nation. 

Relax. It's Not Vietnam.

Beep, beep, beep! Your total is $235.43.

Do you have a gold card?

Do you want that in a bag?

I used to be a cashier at a local grocery store. That's the script of my recurring nightmares. Let's call that place The Monkey Bin.

My boyfriend asks me all the time,  "Why do you freak out so much? It's not Vietnam."

It's because at the Monkey Bin, I had a manager who was a master of the "you twit!" look. This chick could have been a drill sergeant in Vietnam. Let's call her the Dragon Lady.

I landed a part in a local production of Rent, my favorite musical.  Rehearsal was at 7. So was quitting time. Fortunately, the director understood I'd be a little late. Then Dragon Lady asked me to stay till 7:30.

Seriously?

I contemplated staying just to kiss ass. But then I realized, "I am not obligated to stay, so I'm not."

Funny thing is, if she were nicer, I probably would have.

Kiss up or not, I was not going to give up what I loved for this crappy, minimum wage job.

I worked there for three more months. Each time I went to work, I liked it less and less. It was because every time I worked, I could not escape working with the Dragon Lady.

I racked my brain trying to figure out why she was so mean and impersonal, then I pondered an even bigger question--

"Why was she broken?,"meaning why did she behave this way?

She gave an eerie blank stare that mimicked her personality perfectly through her pale blue eyes--ice cold and vacant, like Antarctica.

 She was the reason I left work in tears for a month.

She was taking courses at my college this summer. I held a door open for her. Rudely enough, she just kept on walking. Even a stranger says thank you.

"Memories and possibilities are ever more hideous than realities"---H.P. Lovecraft. Usually, the thought of going to work is worse than actually being at work.When I worked at the Monkey Bin, the memories and possibilities were always less hideous than the realities.

I know a few people who quit because they didn't like working there, so I didn't feel so bad when I sabotaged myself into getting fired.

Can you believe I got fired for saying the word "virgin"?  I also refused to take a customer because my shift was technically over. Of course, that customer was the owner's mom, which apparently was a big no-no.

Oops.

Yes, I actually got fired because of this, not because money was missing, not because I cursed out a customer, because I said the word "virgin", and not taking a customer.

Once.

Being fired felt like this-- It felt like I was back in school and the teacher caught me putting my gum in another girl's beautiful blonde hair. I was a malicious little child. 

Driving home I cried with tears of regret, because I had just been fired, but also tears of relief knowing I never had to return to the Dragon's Den.

Eventually I got another job. The interviewer hired me right away. When I came in my first day, she lit up a cigarette, took a puff, and began telling me that being a student would be perfect because I could work on the weekends. 

Then she started giving me her whole life story. This was different. Someone was actually being personal with me, unlike anyone at my old job.

The Monkey Bin made us feel replaceable.

They wanted us to be robots with no personality.

I think I brought all the unwanted stresses of Dragon Lady's expectations to my new job and became stressed out about them. The last month of my employment at the Monkey Bin, I would obsess about not wanting to go back to work. Quitting time, was never quitting time for me. I would bring the negative energy home with me, and I all I could think about was not going back and that was when I fired myself.

Sometimes I freak out before going to work again, but I guess it's a head game I play with myself. 

My boyfriend Andy always says "Babe, it's the Unimart, not Vietnam."